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ВОЕННЫЙ ЮМОР 18-22

ВОЕННЫЙ ЮМОР

КНИГА ДЛЯ ЧТЕНИЯ НА АНГЛИЙСКОМ ЯЗЫКЕ

Главная страница FALL OUT FOR LAUGH ВОЕННЫЙ ЮМОР

Рефераты. Редкие книги.

стр. 18-22

ЦЕЛЕБНЫЕ ЧАИ

ЦЕЛЕБНЫЕ ЧАИ

Женщины Блузки

Женщины Блузки

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Как приготовить ЦЕЛЕБНЫЙ ЧАЙ

SENIORITY

“Well, Jim, you’re probably terribly envious
of Fred’s advancement? You’re of the same age
and he is already a sergeant in the Army!”
“Yes, but he was released from jail where we
both served the term for a bank hold-up a
year earlier!”

A CHIP OF THE OLD BLOCK

Father asked his. bright offspring: “Mike, why
did you get your conduct mark lowered at
school?”
“Because of delayed action.”
“What do you mean?”
“You remember that riot control bomb you
brought home from your National Guard riot
control drills.”
“Yes, it disappeared somewhere.”
“ I took it, Daddy, and planted it under the
teacher’s table. But you had not told me it had
delayed action and it didn’t explode on time!”

MAIN ROAD

At a confession hour at the unit chapel a GI
asked the chaplain: “Father, where will, the
souls of those who die in battle go?”
“To hell!” stated the chaplain with great conviction.
“Why?” asked the GI in astonishment.
“Because so many souls of servicemen belong
to men who don’t believe that paradise
exists at all!”

SUCCESS

A news-man asked an American commander:
“Sir, could you mention any military success
of your troops?”
“Why, of course! For example, they, were
conducting a big search and destroy operation
yesterday and, after a fierce battle, our men
succeeded again in withdrawing safely.”

JUST THE PROPER MOMENT

Troops were poised to go into an assault.
Jus t when the command ‘Over the top 14!’ was
given, a soldier asked his CO: “Sir, may I get
my annual leave to see my wife now?”

AT ONCE

The company was about to take the field for
some tactical exercise and for the first time in
their service men were falling-in in full
packs. But Private Swift, who was an actor in
Civvie Street, appeared not in the field uniform,
without his pack and gas mask. The sergeant
roared: “What’s the matter, Swift, why not in
full field- uniform?”
“How come,” protested the ex-comedian “the
very first rehearsal and already in full dress
and a mask?!”

PASS SIGN

Private Higgins was on the post near an
ammo dump. When he saw the OD approaching
the place, he roared at the top of his voice:
“Halt! Who goes there? Advance and be recognized!
Pass sign? ,s”
“You fool!” reprimanded him the officer,
“You shouldn’t shout so loud! You can detonate
the ammo in the dump with your noise!”
And he retired. Some time later, the OD
appeared again. Higgins challenged him in the
same stentorian manner: “Halt! Who goes
there? Pas s sign?”
“Idiot!” remarked the officer.
“Pass, friend!” replied the sentry.

TOO EARLY

One girl expressed her grieves to her friend:
“What a pity that generals marry when they
are lieutenants!”

UNPRONOUNCEABLE

Two GIs were comparing the merits and demerits
15 of their sergeants.
“My sergeant,” said one, “is a regular beast!
And he has an inhuman name at that!”
“How do you pronounce it?”
“We never pronounce it. We jus t spit!”

MOST DEPENDABLE

A soldier was asked by the instructor:
“What weapon is most reliable?”
“Which is unloaded,” was the answer.

NOT PROPER MATERIAL

His little son asked: “Daddy, why ladies are
not called up for military service?”
“Because the Army needs discipline,” replied
his father.

LANGUAGE OF TIMES

His little boy was looking through a newspaper.
“Daddy,” he asked, “do you remember you
told me mushrooms were a nice thing?”
“Yes, what of it?”
“Well, look at this one,” said the little boy,
pointing at a photo in the paper. That was a
photo showing American H-bomb tests at Bikini.

WALKING TARGET

In the combat zone an officer saw that the
sergeant had a bull’s eye and circles painted
by somebody, of course surreptitiously, on the
behind of his trousers.
He asked the unsuspecting sergeant: “Where
are you going?”
“Believe me, sir. after the pep talk I gave
the men, they can hardly wait for me to lead
them on patrol. This is where I’m hurrying to.”

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