ВОЕННЫЙ ЮМОР
КНИГА ДЛЯ ЧТЕНИЯ НА АНГЛИЙСКОМ ЯЗЫКЕ
Главная страница FALL OUT FOR LAUGH ВОЕННЫЙ ЮМОР
стр. 22-25
ЦЕЛЕБНЫЕ ЧАИ
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HIS COUNT
One soldier told the other: “Fancy, 17 Jim,
whenever we return to the barracks after week
end liberty (leave) our sergeant stands at the
gates looking at his watch.”
“You’re lucky,” commented his friend, “our
sergeant keeps looking at the calendar at such
a moment.”
ONE’S MISFORTUNE IS ANOTHER
MAN’S HAPPINESS
“ I had a sweet dream, Joe,” said one soldier.
“What dream?”
“ I dreamed I had failed to pay the rent for
living in the barracks and was evicted!”
SELF-PUNISHMENT
The sergeant reported Private Kollins for
practicing dicing in the barracks. The company
commander told the man to throw his dice.
Kollins had 3 and 4.
“Seven days in the brig!” summed up the
•company commander.
NOT A HUMAN BEING
A drunk GI heard his sergeant trying to
preach about the mission of the American soldier.
“You are not a man. You’re a beast!” the
sergeant concluded.
“You are wrong here,” objected the soldier.
“Privates are men but sergeants aren’t!”
«How is that?” scoffed the sergeant.
“Did you hear the commander give orders:
Five men and a sergeant?”
OBVIOUS
At an exam at signals school a radio operator
was asked: “Smith, how is this malfunction
in the radio set eliminated?”
“By switching off the set, sir!”
COLD IN THE HEAD
A little boy heard a truck backfiring and
asked his father: “Daddy, why is this truck
sneezing? Did it have its feet wet?”
NO SO O N E R SAID
‘’Private Williams, why -did you turn at my
preliminary command?”» the drill instructor
asked during a marching drill exercise.
“But I am very quick on the d r aw ,18 sergeant,
as you taught us. I understand you at
half-word!”
REAL DEFAULTER
The sergeant roared: “Whose submachine
gun is so dirty?”
“ It’s Sten’s, sergeant,” replied the soldier.
CONCEIT
“Our sergeant is quite stuck up,” a rookie
told another.
“What does he do?”
“When we have exercises he always shouts
‘Follow me!’ !9”
ON SECOND THOUGHT
One girl said to her friend: “You know, on
second thought I decided to marry a soldier
only. He is a ready husband — he can sew
buttons, darn his socks, do his laundry, cook
his rations, and, what’s the main thing, he can
obey without talking back!”
LOGICAL EXPLANATION
The drill instructor asked a man: “Why does
the soldier always begin his movement with
his left foot?”
“Because he isn’t an angel,” was the reply.
“What do you mean?”
“He hasn’t got any wings and can’t fly. If he
raises also his right foot he shall fall!”
DOUBLE PUZZLE
At the medical examination at the draft
board the eye doctor showed the examinee the
table with letters.
“Can you read the letters in this line?”
“No.”
“ In this line lower?”
“No.”
“What about this top line?”
“No.”
“Well, I never!” exclaimed the doctor, “You
can’t make out any letters!”
“ I make them out all right but I don’t know
what they mean. I can’t read!”
IN ARMY TERMS
A young GI was griping to his top sargex
claiming: “All this ecological kick is g r e a t20…
But all it means in the Army is that sergeants
get more people out picking up cigarette buts.”
FIRST
A missile man was asked: “What moves first
thing in any missile system at a launch?”
“The crew scram!” he answered.
