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ВОЕННЫЙ ЮМОР 13-18

ВОЕННЫЙ ЮМОР

КНИГА ДЛЯ ЧТЕНИЯ НА АНГЛИЙСКОМ ЯЗЫКЕ

Главная страница FALL OUT FOR LAUGH ВОЕННЫЙ ЮМОР

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стр. 13-18

ЦЕЛЕБНЫЕ ЧАИ

ЦЕЛЕБНЫЕ ЧАИ

Как приготовить ЦЕЛЕБНЫЙ ЧАЙ

HIS LUCK

One morning the nurse came to the bed of a
soldier in the hospital and saw that the man
was dead.
“His good luck,” commented the nurse, “because
the colonel — our chief — wanted to
send him to the guardhouse for gold bricking!”

NATURAL CONCLUSION

An officer was conducting a class in disciplinary
matters with a group of soldiers.
“So, Smith, when a sergeant or officer does
something wrong to you what will you do?”
“Keep silent, sir!”
“Why? You may complain through channels I0.
Clear?”
“Yes, sir!”
“And how do things proceed 11 when you
make a complaint?”
“I get punished, sir!”

NO POSSIBILITY

The commander was giving an order to Private
Baldwin: “You’ll go on a reconnaissance
mission in the enemy rear and mark all his
installations on the шар. Take notes about
them. Clear?”
“Yes, sir!”
Two days later Baldwin returned back. “Sir,
I haven’t carried out your orders.”
“Why?”
“I forgot to tell you I can’t write or read.»

I. Q. FOR THE ARMY

A draft officer was asked: “How do you determine
in the Army that your draftees are intelligent
enough for service?”
“When the man appears for the examination
at the draft board we usually ask him one
clever question only.»
“What question?”
“We ask him: ‘How long did the Thirty Year
War las t’?”
“And what?”
“Now we have to think of an easier one —
most of the examinees fail to answer.»

ARMY HAS A PLACE FOR ANYBODY

A prospective soldier during eye examination
at the draft board failed to make out all the
letters on the eye examination table except the
huge ones in the top line.
To his surprise, the doctor said: “You’re fitl»
“But for what?” exclaimed the man,
“For hand-to-hand combat.»

WHICH IS BETTER?

A soldier was surprised to learn that in the
Army they do not have leaves but liberties. He
keeps wondering which is better — to go on
leave, as civilians do, or take liberties 12, as
soldiers?

LIFE AND FICTION

An Army truck driver was racing down a
highway through the Arisona desert when he
saw a living human skeleton who was crawling
to the highway mutely gesticulating for help.
The driver remarked: “Yes, I see another
Western being shot by Hollywood. Those soldiers
at the time were really picturesque characters!”

NOT SUFFICIENT

A man about to be drafted complained to the
draft doctor about terrible lumbago he was
supposed to have and which, he alleged, prevented
his service in the Army. To support his
complaint, he sent the doctor an envelope with ■$ 100 inside. Then he went to the final examination,
sure of exemption. But, to his great
surprise, the doctor found him quite fit for service.
“But, doctor,” the man protested indignantly,
“ I’ve got lumbago!”
“Yes”, agreed the doctor, “but not enough!”

UNITY

A colonel was inspecting a unit. His task was
to see the I. Q. of the men in the unit.
He asked: “Private McCormic, what do you
know about the Earth and the Sun?”
“The Sun turns around the Earth, sir,”
smartly reported the soldier.
“And’ you, Hilton, what do you know about
the subject?”
“The Earth turns around the Sun, sir.”
The colonel turned to the unit commander:
“You see, Major? It doesn’t make any difference
to me what turns about what! But there
isn’t any unity and agreement among your
personnel while unity is the main thing for the
soldiers!”

KILLING NUANCES

A US Rangers unit had the following words
written on a big shield at the gates to its camp:
«If you kill for your own pleasure, you’re a s a dist;
if you kill for money, you’re just a mercenary.
But if you kill both for money and
pleasure, you’re a Ranger!”

MAY BE

The new aide entered the office of his general
and reported: “Sir, it seems to me somebody
wants you on the phone.” /
“What do you mean ‘it seems to you’? Am I
wanted on the phone or not?”
“When I answered the call, a man’s voice
asked: ‘Is that you, old bandit’?”

UNAMERICAN

The unit С. O. was meeting his new men,
just arrived at the unit. He stopped before a
man: “What’s your name?”
“Woodrufflandsilmore, sir.”
“And your name?”
“Loeffelbeindenhilton, sir.”
“Well, what about you, man?”
“Smith, sir.”
“Sounds un-American! How do you spell it?”

 

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