ВОЕННЫЙ ЮМОР
КНИГА ДЛЯ ЧТЕНИЯ НА АНГЛИЙСКОМ ЯЗЫКЕ
Главная страница FALL OUT FOR LAUGH ВОЕННЫЙ ЮМОР
стр. 9-13
ФАБЕРЛИК КАТАЛОГ 03 2017
REPEAT PERFORMANCE
An inmate of a psychiatric ward in the US
Air Force hospital somewhere in the USA was
about to be discharged, and he was undergoing
final questioning.
“Now that you’ve been pronounced cured,
Smith, and don’t imagine you’re anything
eccentric,” said the head shrinker, “what are
your plans for peaceful life?”
“Well, I used to be a lawyer,” the ex-hero
said, “so I may go back at that. Then again,
being a certified public accountant by education
before the service, I might try that for a
while. I might try teaching, too: And if I find
I don’t like-any of those, I’ll probably go in for
architecture or may be piloting a plane.”
For a second he stood in thought. Then he ‘
added, starting to make violent circles over his
head, “I might become a.chopper!”
CLASSIFIED INFORMATION
A man shuffled up to the reception desk in the
Army hospital and asked if it was possible to
see Private John Collins.
“I’m afraid not,” said the nurse on duty,
referring to her chart.
“Can you tell me then,” the man asked, “how
is Private Collins doing?”
“He’s been doing very well,” the nurse
replied.
“Boy, I ’m glad to hear that! I’ve been lying
in that ward for a week and nobody would tell
a darn thing. Everything is classified in the
Army everywhere. So I got dressed and came
down here to find out. I ’m John Collins.”
WHO WAS THE VICTOR?
A war vet was retelling his deeds of valor
on the battlefield.
“And once I fought a fire duel with an
enemy sniper,” he said, “ I got him really
worried. For an awful moment,” he added, “he
thought he’d killed me.”
DISGRACEFUL
After much persuasion, Auntie had gone to
see hand-to-hand fighting exercises on an
obstacle course in the unit yard near her house
in which her nephew was taking part and visitors
were invited to see the exciting Army
show. But the old lady left very early in the
middle of the demonstration.
“Well, how did you enjoy the thing, dear?”
asked her sister.
“It was disgraceful … disgraceful,” breathed
the indignant old lady. “Nothing but mad
running and disorderly fighting as if they were
drunk, wrestling in the mud the whole time,
and would you believe it, although there were
scores of police there, none of them would interfere.”
MORALE BOOSTER
Inspiring his men to do better on the
obstacle course, the commando captain pleaded:
“Jus t imagine there is a pretty blonde waiting
for you at the end of the course.”
Came the quick reply: “Make it an ugly red
head — she’ll run to meet us half-way.8”
AGAIN ON KEEPING SECRECY
Some people’s idea of keeping a secret is to
refuse to tell who told it to them.
MISNOMER
A soldier for the first time on a work party
(it is not for nothing that the military word
for it is ‘fatigue party’) was completely worn
out.
He went to the sergeant and asked: “Are you
sure, sergeant, you’ve got my name spelled
right on the duty roster?”
“Certainly”, the sergeant replied, “John
Simpson,” he spelled it. “Right?”
“Yes, I guess it is. I thought you had me
down as Samson 9.”
HIGH-BROW BRICKING
Private Madison was sent to deliver a
message somewhere. Some time later, the sergeant
found him sitting at the curb of the side
walk.
“Why are you here?” yelled the sergeant.
“Well, I learned that the Earth is turning
round.”
“Yes, so what?”
“I ’m waiting until the place where I’ll have
to go will come to me.”
